The Politics of Catholic Guilt

Asked if Catholics could ever in good conscience vote for pro-choice candidates, the Archbishop Charles Chaput replies:

I think there are legitimate reasons you could vote in favor of someone who wouldn’t be where the church is on abortion, but it would have to be a reason that you could confidently explain to Jesus and the victims of abortion when you meet them at the Judgment.  That’s the only criterion.

A follow-up please. Archbishop–your excellency–could I ever, in good conscience, vote in favor of someone who supports the death penalty or is responsible for unjust wars? A war president, if you will?

“Yes, Mr. Doom, that is acceptable. You see, most death penalty victims are guilty of something, even if the evidence is lacking. As are the many war casualties that we allow as collateral damage. So do not worry, your vote for President Bush will not count against you in the eyes of Jesus. You did vote for him, yes?”

Uh, sure, whatever you say. And what about sexual misconduct? What is the criterion for that?

“Oh, Mr. Doom, this too is acceptable–if you are a Catholic. The faggots will burn, but our brothers and sisters of the church will be escorted by angel-driven golf carts to their proper eternal rest.”

Thank goodness. So it’s just the abortion stuff that will raise some eyebrows?

“Indeed.”

Gotcha.

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