Letters From Andrew (Special Friday Edition)

Danny king of the Yoohoo (refreshing chocolate milk-like beverage),

I’ve tried your product and it’s only made me more thirsty. This egg cream of which you speak of contains no egg and is not good for my 6am workout. I will never meet another girl you set me up with at Coney Island, never! Let’s never speak of the Far Rockaway incident again.

Are you sad about the election results? I certainly am. Sad that this didn’t happen years ago! What took everybody so long to wake up? There’s enough to go around. I apologize, but due to some “inpolite instigations” I now carry a patent/copyright lawyer around with me to advise me. There have been some “infringements” in the past. I think it best to form a LLC and go back to living under to viaduct until people (aka “concerned parties”) forget.

When I get into office, I am going to make two things mandatory. Hammond organ (the real deal, no Suzuki replicas, the real thing, and the steel guitar). Must have. A bar operating without a steel guitar? I’m gonna have to shut you boys down until you can come up with the correct equipment.

So is this the beginning of a new era? I’d like to think so, but I don’t want to get too excited. I miss the Clinton years. Jimmy Carter did many great things too. He still is. This coming from someone who could die from a few spoonfuls of peanut butter. He tried to do good things as soon as he got into office. That pissed a lot of the “good old boys” off and they ganged up and screwed him. It was water in California. Billions of taxpayers dollars were being spent unnecessarily. It was the good old boys circuit, the army corps of engineers were [censored] with members of congress. Build this damn and I’ll give 30,000 people a job for three years, then you can give me a nice “handshake” once we’ve sealed the deal. It had been going on for almost 100 years. He tried to stop it and the machine screwed him. This was months into his presidency. Consult Marc Reisner for details. I think that’s the author. Well the book is Cadillac Desert. I have to admit I didn’t read the book, I saw the 5 hour mini series. (Or do I?).

I diverge, (some say that’s what I do best). Is it really a new era? Or is it just a bunch of stalemates? The Democrats won. They control the house (Democrats in the house say oh yeah…) and the senate, but by a small margin. Is this a Jesse Ventura deal? The two sides don’t agree, so there is no majority and nothing gets done. I hope not. Let’s just let the majority make the laws and Martina McBride can sing every Friday night. I like that plan. If Martina is busy, we can hear from Penelope Cruz on what it’s like to have brown eyes and speak Spanish, yes I like that. If anyone is against this be awake from 4:03-4:07am next Tuesday. If you weren’t, then you’re for it. Enough said.

Either your with me or you against me, and you don’t want to be against me,

Andrew

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