Clean Steve (They Don’t Come Any Dirtier Than Me)*

Ah, so much I’ve missed. Well, I didn’t miss it so much as I’ve failed to comment on it.** I’ve been relatively offline since Thursday, up in Wisconsin on a spiritual retreat. Just kidding. What’s spiritual for me involves living off the land, pioneer-style, rubbing sticks together, all that stuff. Still kidding. Okay, I had a grill, lighter fluid, meats and beer. Some tequila too. I did not have hot water though, which was a surprise, so it’s been…what day is it? Sunday? Almost four full days without a shower. Luckily, I was alone the entire time. The animals flocked to me (seriously, pictures to come!).

Actually, I decided to clean myself in the lake on Saturday because it was just so nice out, so I went down to the beach (Lake Geneva) and dipped my dirty body in. Then I got out, dried off and went back in again. Good as new, clean as can be. It’s amazing how quickly I can revert to a primitive lifestyle when conditions call for it. I ate terribly except for my dinners, which involved Italian sausages, hamburgers, and chicken; also, red peppers, onions, and Pillsbury crescent rolls. The rest of the time it was white powdered donuts, gummy bears, and beef sticks. I slept very odd hours, odder than usual, and killed many mosquitoes and flies.

I saw the debate, and that was fine. A little boring, but Obama took care of business. The Katie Couric interview was…painful. I actually felt sorry for this woman. But she has no business running anything but–really, anything at all. And to prove that you really can’t make this shit up, the SNL skit actually used lines from the interview verbatim. It was funnier the first time, but still, man! That is embarrassing.

Oh, and that Letterman thing. Nice job by Dave, keeping the screws on McCain. You know he didn’t do a damn thing. He made a whole big fuss about suspending his campaign and not debating and then went to Washington…eventually…and did what exactly? Like this wasn’t some kind of gimmick–much like the entire campaign. I mean, it’s still not a done deal, even if it might be by tomorrow, but he didn’t even stop campaigning, and he showed up for the debate. So, why the drama? Oh yeah, the poll numbers. The Couric interview. The general lack of substance. And the Couric interview. Gotta make sure no one pays attention to that!

McCain doesn’t realize it, but on the Internet, nothing goes away until we say it does! You have seen it by now, yes? Jesus, it’s a train wreck.

* Title taken from my favorite Robyn Hitchcock album, Eye, and the song, yes, it is “Clean Steve.”

** Bob Porter: Looks like you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.
Peter Gibbons: I wouldn’t say I’ve been *missing* it, Bob.

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